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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27330250">Nothing’s gonna Change</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplemagic/pseuds/Purplemagic'>Purplemagic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bjyx, MDZS, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Cheating, Fiction, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Lies, M/M, Misunderstandings, RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:02:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,837</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27330250</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplemagic/pseuds/Purplemagic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo are in a secret relationship. Yibo loves Xiao Zhan but Xiao Zhan might not feel the same and even cheats on Yibo. </p>
<p>Read further to find out how this affects their relationship.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Wang Yibo/ Xiao Zhan - Relationship, YiZhan - Relationship, bjyx - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nothing’s gonna Change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hello, Yibo!” Xiao Zhan greeted him as he entered his apartment.</p>
<p>“Finally! Zhan ge! I was so worried, where have you been and why were you ignoring my calls? Do you know how many times I called? I almost went crazy worrying about you the whole night!” Wang Yibo was really really glad to see Xiao Zhan back but was also frustrated for being ignored the whole night.</p>
<p>“I’m Sorry, Yibo. I was busy last night” Zhan replied coldly.</p>
<p>“What happened Zhan ge, can’t you share with me?” Yibo growled</p>
<p>“It’s something personal, Yibo”</p>
<p>
  <em>Personal? That hurts! He still doesn’t love me enough to share his personal stuff with me. I sometimes wonder what kinda relationship we are in…if this is even called a relationship. I love him so much that I can’t let go…but he doesn’t feel the same…never did…and probably never will. I guess for him I’m just a fuck buddy after all. How can I make him understand my love…how can I make him forget his pain?</em>
</p>
<p>“It’s personal because it’s about HIM isn’t it?” he blurted when all the rational thinking seemed to have left him.</p>
<p>“Yibo, can we please talk about something else? Why were you waiting for me? You should have left, don’t you have to fly out today?”</p>
<p>“I stayed because we were meeting after almost 3 weeks Zhan ge and planned to spend the night together. I didn’t know that you would invite me home and then disappear on me like this” Yibo was now yelling</p>
<p>“Something came up Bo di, was not planning to stand you up”</p>
<p>“Why does HE always come first Zhan ge? Do I mean nothing to you?”</p>
<p>“Not with that again Wang Yibo. I think I already made myself clear many times. Let’s not start this again.”</p>
<p>“So it is HIM then. You were with HIM last night, weren’t you? Did you spend the whole night with him?” Yibo was now getting anxious</p>
<p>“Ok fine, if you want to know so bad, then yes I was with him last night and yes we spent the night together” Xiao Zhan admitted finally</p>
<p>Yibo felt his heart had been stabbed mercilessly…but he still had to know.</p>
<p>“Did you…did you sleep with him?”</p>
<p>Xiao Zhan was shocked at the question and was fidgeting while deciding on how best to answer.</p>
<p>“Answer me Xiao Zhan!” Yibo growled but there was no answer from Zhan. He was still avoiding Yibo’s gaze</p>
<p>Yibo grabbed Xiao Zhan by the collar and pinned him against the wall in a swift motion.</p>
<p>“Tell me Xiao Zhan, did you cheat on me with you ex boyfriend?”</p>
<p>“Yibo..I…”</p>
<p>“Just say yes or no!”</p>
<p>“Yibo.. I’m sorry!”</p>
<p>The second he heard Xiao Zhan apologize, Yibo’s world crashed. He let Xiao Zhan go and fell to the ground on his knees.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Yibo.. listen to me please..I’m really sorry but it’s not what you think” Zhan held him in his arms</p>
<p>“Why did you do this to me Zhan ge? Why? Was my love not enough for you? I knew…I knew that you didn’t love me back as much as I did…I knew that you were still in love with your ex..but I loved you so much.. you.. you know how much I love you right?” Yibo was now crying in Zhan’s arms</p>
<p>“Please don’t cry Yibo.. I can’t see you cry…please stop”</p>
<p>“I was so happy today Zhan ge…I told my parents about us…I was so nervous but I still did…I was so excited to tell you about this today…because I was planning a future for us…but it was always one sided wasn’t it?…there was never a ‘us’…it was just me…just me..only me loving you in this relationship”</p>
<p>“That’s not true Yibo, you know how much I care about you”</p>
<p>Yibo pushed Xiao Zhan away and stood up at once.</p>
<p>“Care? Yeah.. you care about me.. It was my fault for thinking that it was Love”</p>
<p>“Yibo!” Zhan held out his hand to hold Yibo but Yibo pulled back again.</p>
<p>“I loved you Xiao Zhan, but I guess I’m not good enough for you. Sorry for wasting your time Xiao Zhan, I will get out of your life now”</p>
<p>
  <em>Loved…loved…he said loved..not love… he doesn’t love me anymore…what have I done? I hurt him.. I hurt him so much..I really don’t deserve him…I messed up bad this time.</em>
</p>
<p>Xiao Zhan was stunned by Yibo’s words and Yibo had walked out the door before he could stop him or say anything more.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Yibo had no idea how he rode the bike to get himself home that morning. He was so hurt and furious and crying…he was overwhelmed with all the emotions. Time and again, he had hoped that Xiao Zhan would love him back the way he did, he hoped Zhan would move on from his ex if he sees how much Yibo loved him..but that did not happen and now it never would. If Yibo had known that a break up would hurt this bad, he would have never fallen in love, would have never opened up his heart, would have never loved someone so much.</p>
<p>But it wasn’t Yibo’s fault that he fell in love at first sight. Xiao Zhan was breathtakingly beautiful and his smile was a literal ray of sunshine. It took Yibo less than 5 mins to be attracted to his co star on the first day of rehearsals and then less than a month to know him and fall in love.</p>
<p>Yibo had always known about Xiao Zhan’s past and the baggage he carried. Once they had become good friends, on a whim one day, Zhan had poured his heart out about his past relationship and how he is still unable to move on from it. And Yibo was foolish enough to believe that he could make him forget his past, forget his ex and fall in love again. He chased Xiao Zhan relentlessly for two months on the set. But Xiao Zhan was always distant and kept his composure no matter how much Yibo pestered him.</p>
<p>It was a stolen kiss on a drunken night that kick started their relationship…or affair..or whatever it was that was going on between them. It was Yibo’s birthday during the shoot and the whole cast and crew gathered for a party at a nearby restaurant. Everyone was pretty much wasted by the time celebrations ended that night. After leaving the restaurant, every one gathered to get onto the vans they drove from the set to the restaurant, they had to go back to the dorms they were staying in. One by one, the vans were filled up with people while Xiao Zhan and Yibo managed to stay behind without garnering anyone’s attention. It was not until they were half way to the dorms that people started to realize that these two did not board any of the vans.</p>
<p>Once everyone left, Xiao Zhan started walking back in the same direction that the vans drove out and Yibo quietly followed him. It was very late at night and there was hardly anyone on the road. Yibo grabbed Xiao Zhan’s hand and Zhan just let him. After walking a while, hand in hand, they sat down on a bench on the pavement, just staring at the night sky. They were so close to each other and Zhan’s scent was driving Yibo crazy. Yibo slowly laid his head on Zhan’s shoulder and waited for Zhan to push him away. When that didn’t happen, he slowly lifted his head rubbing Zhan’s neck with his nose and brushing his jaw with his lips lightly.</p>
<p>Xiao Zhan who seemed to have been holding himself back, tightened his grip on Yibo’s hand suddenly and turned his head around to meet Yibo’s wandering lips. It was a gentle sweet kiss at first but Zhan slowly held Yibo’s face in his hands and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. He licked and bit his lips until Yibo opened his mouth to give him entry. They sat there on the bench by the road, kissing and licking and biting each other. Sure they were buzzed but they were still sober enough to realize what they were doing.</p>
<p>A hundred thoughts crossed Yibo’s head while he was kissing….<em>what am I doing right now? Will he regret this in the morning? Will he ever be able to love me back?</em></p>
<p>But he was too scared to ask Xiao Zhan about his feelings, he was fine with how things were going right now. So he just let himself be touched and kissed as much as Zhan wanted.</p>
<p>After they parted that night, they never spoke of it again. Every time they found lone time on the set or in the dorms, they would just end up as a messy intertwine of bodies kissing sloppily and grinding their hips together passionately. By the time they spent their first night together after a few weeks, Wang Yibo was in love. He had fallen so deep into the rabbit hole there was no escape for him anymore. He loved this man deeply and desperately wanted a future with him for the rest of his life. </p>
<p>The only problem was, he had no idea how Xiao Zhan felt about him even now. After being together for 2 months, they were coming to the end of the shooting for their show. It would no longer be possible for them to see each other every day. Yibo didn’t know if Zhan wanted to continue this or if it was just a rebound fling for him. They never really talked about it so far because Yibo was afraid of rejection. So they continued doing what they have been doing so far. Shooting the drama, being playful as usual on the set, being there for each other like friends do, and fucking when horny. </p>
<p>But Wang Yibo was growing anxious by the minute. With only a few days of shooting left for the show, he needed to know what was going on in Xiao Zhan’s head. So one day he shouted out “I love you Zhan ge” in front of everyone on the set. Even though no one took him seriously, everyone talked about the stunt he pulled for the rest of the day. Alas! Yibo did not get the response as expected from Zhan.</p>
<p>After wrapping up for the night, when they were alone in the make up room, Xiao Zhan brought up the topic again.</p>
<p>“Why did you do it Bo di, I almost choked to death when you screamed like that!” he said</p>
<p>“Because it’s the truth and I want you and everyone in the world to know” Yibo cried out and Zhan could see the sincerity in his words.</p>
<p>But he just smiled, gave him a peck on his forehead and whispered “Thank you Bo di” before leaving the room.</p>
<p>Yibo was speechless. <em>Thank you…thank you.. what the hell does that mean? Aren’t you supposed to say I love you too?</em></p>
<p>Deep down he knew it then, that his feelings might never be reciprocated. But he still held onto the hope that his love alone was enough for the both of them… that they could still have a happy relationship if he loved Zhan devotedly.</p>
<p>The next day, they were on a break and were resting on a rock in between some fields. They spent some time fooling around, fighting and teasing each other. When the cameraman walked away to grab a snack, Yibo asked Zhan if he was upset about his silliness from the previous day.</p>
<p>“Ofcourse no Bo di.. I thought it was very cute” he smiled</p>
<p>Yibo turned pink at Zhan’s smile and turned away to hide his face from everyone around. When he turned back though, all the color had left his face in an instant. Zhan was scribbling something in the dirt with a stick. When Yibo peered over Zhan’s shoulder to see what he was writing, his heart broke. Zhan wrote his ex’s name on the ground and was wiping it away when he noticed Yibo peeking. Zhan quickly avoided Yibo’s gaze and walked away from there calling out to his manager for some tea.</p>
<p>
  <em>He just called me cute…and he’s still thinking about his ex…even when I’m sitting right next to him..after all this while…after fucking me all this time…Zhan ge still only thinks about him..do I really mean nothing to him?</em>
</p>
<p>Yibo was upset, dejected and very jealous…jealous of someone he had never met or even seen. But this person still meant everything to his Zhan ge..even if they had broken up 2 years ago, Xiao Zhan still only had one person in his heart and Yibo might never be able to replace him.</p>
<p>But Yibo needed to know how much his Zhan ge liked him..if he even did…and if he wanted a relation with him or not.</p>
<p>The next night they were alone, Zhan was thrusting deep and hard into Yibo but even that intense pain and pleasure could not distract Yibo from his worries and he blurted out.</p>
<p>“What are we going to do after the shoot ends Zhan ge?”</p>
<p>“huh?” Zhan was surprised by the sudden off topic question and had to pause.</p>
<p>“I want to know ge.. about us… did you even think what will happen to us after the shoot ends.. are we going to continue like this or will we never see each other? I know we will be busy with our own schedules and might not be possible to meet often, but if we really want to, then I think we can manage..what do you say ge?”</p>
<p>Zhan pulled out and lay down next to Yibo.</p>
<p>“God! you just killed the mood Yibo. You could have just told me you weren’t into it tonight” Zhan complained</p>
<p>“Ge, I’m sorry about that but I just can’t concentrate. I need to know. I’m serious. What are we ge.. are we in a relationship? or we just fuck buddies?”</p>
<p>“Bo di.. don’t say that.. I never said that.. you are not just a … I don’t even want to use that word Yibo. You know how much I like you and how much I care. But you know our situation, we can’t really date you know?”</p>
<p>Yibo sat up in excitement. </p>
<p>“So, if we could, you would date me?”</p>
<p>“Ofcourse Yibo, but isn’t that what we have been doing so far? I mean without the going out on actual date stuff… I think we have been doing pretty much what all lovers do..haven’t we?” he pulled Yibo closer for a kiss.</p>
<p>“So we are in a relationship? You are my boy friend then right?” Yibo breathed between the kisses.</p>
<p>“Yes and yes” Xiao Zhan answered while trailing kisses down Yibo’s neck onto his collarbone.</p>
<p>“So we will continue to be boyfriends even after the shooting ends?”</p>
<p>“Yes Yibo, we will. Now can I just finish what I started, I can’t hold off any more” Zhan said gesturing towards his still hard member.</p>
<p>Yibo was so happy that night..that he actually felt they made love for the first time…it wasn’t just sex between them anymore..it was love. This declaration from Zhan was everything Yibo needed at that moment. This was enough for him to hold onto his love and fight for his Zhan ge’s affection. But this was before Xiao Zhan cheated on Wang Yibo.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Wang Yibo could have lived his whole life knowing he would always be second in his Zhan ge’s life, he had accepted that fact long back. He was just happy being part of Zhan’s life when his ex wasn’t. But that had changed the night when Xiao Zhan’s ex walked back into their lives. And thus started the lies, the cheating and the heart break.</p>
<p>Zhan and Yibo could not see each other as often as they wished because of their busy schedules. It was almost after a month that they both had a day off and were both in town. Yibo had planned a cute little date for them, where he would cook for Zhan, then watch some old romantic movie and finally spend the whole night together. </p>
<p>Everything was going as planned... Xiao Zhan managed to sneak into Yibo’s apartment without any of the snooping fans noticing…Yibo managed to cook the only dish he knew how to cook without burning down the house and Xiao Zhan brought a dvd of his favorite movie to watch together. They were just 10 minutes into the movie when Zhan’s phone lit up and both of them froze when they saw the caller name on the display. </p>
<p>Zhan stared at the phone hesitating to pick up. </p>
<p>“I’ve no idea why he’s calling” he turned to look at Yibo but still did not answer the call. Yibo said nothing. The call ended.</p>
<p>…..</p>
<p>And then it rang again. </p>
<p>“May be something’s wrong. I should at least answer” and just like that he ran into the bedroom to take the call. Yibo paused the movie and waited for Zhan to return. Not even 5 minutes had passed and Zhan was back on the couch. He unpaused the movie and acted as though nothing happened. Yibo paused the movie again and questioned him.</p>
<p>“So? What did he want?”</p>
<p>“He didn’t want anything Bo di. It was just a drunk call”</p>
<p>“He got drunk and called his ex boyfriend?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I swear this never happened before. But he didn’t say much. The moment I realized he was drunk, I just ended the call.” he explained guiltily </p>
<p>Yibo wasn’t convinced but he didn’t have any reason to think too much into one drunken phone call. So he started the movie and they kissed and cuddled and fell asleep on the couch even before the movie ended.</p>
<p>Over the next couple of weeks, Yibo felt that Xiao Zhan was acting more and more awkward and weird. He felt more distant and seemed like he was hiding something from him. He felt Zhan was not as eager to meet or talk to Yibo as he was before. He also ditched couple of their dates. The number of text messages and video calls kept decreasing gradually and this eventually brought Wang Yibo face to face with all his insecurities. </p>
<p>He was worried that Xiao Zhan would go back to his ex in due course if he could. Yibo could no longer imagine a life without Zhan. So his jealousy intensified every time they spoke and asked Zhan about talking to his ex. This led to many fights and arguments, all of which would end with Yibo begging Zhan for forgiveness. </p>
<p><br/>~~</p>
<p>Ofcourse Xiao Zhan was to be blamed for Yibo’s recent irrational behavior as he was not being honest with Yibo about his ex or his feelings. Zhan knew he was hurting Yibo, he felt guilty but he just couldn’t help it. His first love was somehow back in his life and he was suddenly very confused about his feelings.</p>
<p>Lin Yi. Xiao Zhan met him when he was still a struggling singer, actor in the entertainment industry. They were the same age, were from the same home town..shared the same dreams and were also facing the same hardships trying to make their dreams a reality. They had barely known each other for 2 months, when they fell in love. They were almost together for a year before everything changed. </p>
<p>Soon after debut, Xiao Zhan started gaining a fan base steadily, and Yi was still struggling for attention in the industry. Zhan got busy and confident while Yi got lonely and insecure.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for the relationship to crumble, jealousy and insecurities took over love and friendship. They broke up after being together for 2 years. It was Yi’s decision and Zhan just went with it because he always went along with what Yi wanted. He loved him too much and didn’t want to move on from him but did it anyways because Yi was not happy anymore and he would do anything for that man's happiness.</p>
<p>After a long wait of 4 years, Lin Yi was again back in Xiao Zhan’s life. He was extremely delighted when he got the first call even if turned out to be a mistake, he was just glad to hear Yi’s voice. He never expected to hear back from him after that night… but he did…again and again.</p>
<p>At first he didn’t know why, but the voice calls became more and more frequent. The first call was a drunk mistake, second call was an apology for the mistake, third call was a casual catch up and finally they had decided to meet and reminisce about their past love. </p>
<p>But something was amiss between the two. Apart from the very obvious awkwardness of the break up and first contact after 3 years, Xiao Zhan also knew that this was not the same man he fell in love with. And he needed to know how and why he changed.</p>
<p>Even though it just took them couple of phone calls to warm up to each other like before, Zhan hesitated before agreeing to meet. Because he was currently dating Wang Yibo and he has been keeping Yi a secret from him for the past 3 weeks. He was sick of the arguments between the two but he didn’t want to give up on the chance to meet Lin Yi after all this time. <br/>So he convinced himself that this was just a friendly get together between old friends and planned to meet up. Yet when they met for the first time, Zhan was too lost in the eyes of the man he fell in love with to even consider that what he was doing might actually hurt Yibo.</p>
<p>By the end of the night, Zhan observed that Yi could only talk about Zhan, his work, his newly acquired popularity, his fans, his infamous friendship with Wang Yibo. Something had definitely changed and Zhan could not figure out what yet. Instead of pondering on the negative, he focused on the man in front of him, trying to remember why he loved him and trying to figure out if he still did. </p>
<p>He kept this going for another three weeks without letting Yibo know. He was ashamed for deceiving Yibo but he knew that Yibo would never understand his rationale behind meeting his ex or wanting to spend time with him, so he lied over and over again. He even avoided Yibo sometimes but he just couldn’t stop himself. </p>
<p>It was not until their fourth meeting (they were not dates, because Xiao Zhan refused to believe so) that Zhan understood his ex’s real intentions in getting back into his life. He was still not interested in Zhan or his life, and definitely not interested in getting back together…he just wanted to use Zhan for his popularity and the connections he had established in the industry. </p>
<p>When he realized Yi’s intentions, Zhan was not as hurt as he expected…may be he saw this coming. But Zhan didn’t mind, Zhan expected this and didn’t mind as much. He agreed to help Yi in any way he could. But what happened after dinner that night surprised Xiao Zhan..he never saw this coming from Yi. When Xiao Zhan dropped him off, Yi held onto Zhan’s hand and leaned forward to kiss him. Xiao Zhan immediately backed away in shock. </p>
<p>He was still officially dating Yibo and he couldn’t really do that to him. He just made up an excuse to Yi that he needed more time to think before they could take this any further and left for the night.</p>
<p>In reality, Xiao Zhan really did not have any intention of breaking up with Yibo. He never considered that an option. Yes, he was confused and yes getting a chance to spend time with his first love excited him, but that was it. He would help Yi in any way he could but he never even thought of getting back together with him. He had not even thought much about him lately until he got the first phone call. He would never deny that he liked having Yi back in his life…in what relation…he didn’t know…may be he needed a friend or may be he needed closure. Whatever be the case, he wasn’t going to lose what he has going with Yibo. </p>
<p>The almost kiss snapped Xiao Zhan from the stupid happy bubble he built around himself for the past few weeks. He felt guilty now for possibly hurting Yibo…Yibo.. who loves him so passionately…Yibo..who would never imagine hurting him the way he has been doing.<br/>Did he love Yibo? He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he needed Yibo to be in his life forever.</p>
<p>His confusion and guilt turned into frustration and stress that night and he wanted to come clean to Yibo..talk to him and explain everything to him but Yibo was at an outdoor shoot in the mountains and would not be reachable for another 4 days.</p>
<p>Xiao Zhan had 4 days before Yibo was back…four days to come up with ways to apologize to him and let him know what he means to him. He was dating Yibo and cared about him. He might not express his feelings as much as Yibo does, but he still would never think of hurting Yibo intentionally. He had to set things straight with both Lin Yi and Yibo as soon as possible before all these thoughts overwhelm him.</p>
<p>When Wang Yibo returned from the shoot, he immediately called Xiao Zhan and planned to meet at his apartment over the weekend. He let himself in like he usually does and waited for his Zhan ge to return. He had told him he would be late and get home only for a late dinner. Yibo decided to wait for him, but Zhan never returned that night.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Xiao Zhan had planned out everything for that night. He would meet Yibo and talk to him about everything and apologize to him. But his plans shattered when Lin Yi called him in distress just when he was leaving home after completing his late night shoot for a commercial.</p>
<p>Yi was in extreme agony when he called and Xiao Zhan’s heart sank when he heard his distressed voice that he immediately rushed to him…forgetting the fact that Yibo was waiting for him at his apartment.</p>
<p>However when he got there, he realized it was just another drunken spur of the moment misjudgment like before. Lin Yi threw himself in Xiao Zhan’s arms when he arrived there. He expressed regret for calling him so late in the night and started bawling his eyes out. Zhan was taken aback with the sudden intimacy, yet comforted him as much as he could attributing the sudden outburst to his failing career and mental stress. It took almost 30 mins before Yi finally calmed down and another hour before he sobered up a little…all the while refusing to let Xiao Zhan go.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Zhan. I know you are a busy man but I keep imposing you with my problems.” Yi finally said</p>
<p>“It’s fine, I don’t mind. We are friends after all” Zhan smiled</p>
<p>“I…I don’t want to be just friends anymore Xiao Zhan. Can’t we go back to how we started all those years ago?”</p>
<p>….</p>
<p>“I’ve had other boyfriends since you, but I have never loved anyone..I still only have you in my heart. I know.. I know I was wrong.. I was the one who pushed you away.. I was selfish and jealous and immature..but I don’t think I can let you know again.. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again..I promise I will be better this time Zhan, can you please give me another chance?” Yi begged and pulled Xiao Zhan into his arms again.</p>
<p>Xiao Zhan struggled to pull himself out of Yi’s embrace.</p>
<p>“Yi.. I …I haven’t told you something.. I…Yibo…Yibo and I…” Zhan couldn’t finish the sentence as Yi forcibly started kissing him now.</p>
<p>“I don’t care Zhan.. I don’t care if you are with Wang Yibo now.. I know that you still love me.. if not you wouldn’t be here right now with me” he kept repeating while kissing zhan all over his face and neck.</p>
<p>
  <em>Is it true? Do I still love him? Is that why I’m here instead of being with Yibo..I thought I had everything figured out.. I thought I wanted to be with Yibo…then what the hell am I doing now? Why can’t I just push him away? why am I kissing him back and why do I want to continue this? </em>
</p>
<p>Lin Yi lay Xiao Zhan down on the couch, unbuttoning his shirt and trailing kisses all over his naked chest, playing with his pink buds.</p>
<p>
  <em>This morning, I knew what I had to do.. I planned out my life with Yibo and now I can’t stop kissing my ex…I really don’t deserve Yibo.. no one will ever love me as much as Yibo does and yet this is how I decide to hurt him?</em>
</p>
<p>When Xiao Zhan felt his belt buckle loosened, he immediately pushed Yi away, got up from the couch and started buttoning his shirt back on.</p>
<p>“No! No! I’m not doing this. This is a mistake Yi.”</p>
<p>“Zhan..”</p>
<p>“I can’t get back together with you. I don’t want to! I’m sorry if I gave you that impression past few weeks.. but I’m…I’m happy with Yibo.. I don’t want to lose him.”</p>
<p>“Zhan pls..” Yi grabbed Zhan’s wrist </p>
<p>“I have to go. I promised to be there for you when you need me so I will be there, but that is it..I can only be your friend Yi. I’ll go now and it’s better if we do not meet for sometime. Bye”</p>
<p>Zhan hurried out of Yi’s home but he was too reluctant to go back home just yet. He needed to clear his head, so he drove around for a while. It was almost 4am, he had stayed up whole night thinking and driving instead of going home. His uncertainty and indecisiveness were at the peaks. He chose Wang Yibo over Lin Yi but did he love Yibo? Yibo has always been very open and expressive about his feelings but not Xiao Zhan. </p>
<p>Xiao Zhan was now scared to even ask Yibo for forgiveness. He had only the lies to apologize for before last night but now he had taken things too far and he had only himself to blame. He got carried away and hurt Yibo. I no longer deserve to be forgiven,…I no longer deserve Yibo or his love. While driving back home, he was struggling to find words how he would explain himself to Yibo. Yibo might misunderstand and never forgive him and the thought of losing Yibo scared him to death. So he decided to not reveal anything for now and wait for the right time to tell him the truth. He had to sort out his feelings first and confirm how much he loved Yibo before he talked to Yibo.</p>
<p>When he did get home, he wasn’t expecting to find Yibo there. He thought Yibo would have left when he did not return the whole night. Yet he was there, waiting for him and Xiao Zhan was too remorseful to face him. He avoided Yibo’s eyes and his questions because he was upset and annoyed with himself and almost vented out his frustration on Yibo. He acted cold and irritated to the point that before he got a chance to explain, Yibo accused him of cheating and stormed out. Xiao Zhan could neither deny the accusation nor accept his fault. He was too big of a coward and let Yibo walk away.</p>
<p>All he had to do was tell the truth to Yibo, but he was terrified of losing him…a part of him died when he heard Yibo say that he “loved” him…in the past tense like he didn’t love him anymore…Xiao Zhan never thought that would be possible.. he never expected Yibo would walk out on him. Now he had lost his chance to apologize and possibly the love of his life just because he couldn’t make up his mind on time. </p>
<p>
  <em>Isn’t this good anyways? I was confused and miserable.. I let go of Yi and Yibo let go of me…now all is left for me is to figure out who I love and who I want to spend the rest of my life with. May be it’s for the best that Yibo walked away, I need time to figure out my feelings…I need time. I can’t be indecisive for ever and go on hurting Yibo…the time and space will help us both…</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Yibo might realize he doesn’t need me in his life anymore..if that happens I will have to let him go.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No.. that can’t happen.. I won’t let that happen..I won’t let my first love ruin the love of my life.</em>
</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Wang Yibo was hurt and depressed. He had never imagined that Xiao Zhan would cheat on him or that he would just let him walk out of his life.</p>
<p>
  <em>Two weeks had passed since that day and Zhan ge did not even bother to try and contact me…don’t I at least deserve an apology? Shouldn’t he be coming after me to ask for forgiveness? to explain himself? May be he really did get back together with his ex…am I just a fling from the past now for him?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Even after what he’s done, I still love him..I still hope he finds his way back to me..why am I so pathetic? aaaahhh.. I hate myself for being like this.</em>
</p>
<p>Yibo spent too long in the shower, exasperated with himself and punching the tiles on the wall, when he heard a knock on his hotel room door. He jolted out of this thoughts and turned off the shower to confirm that he indeed heard the knock. He heard it again and wondered who could be disturbing him so late in the night. He quickly got out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel to get the door.</p>
<p>“Zhan ge!”</p>
<p>“Hi Yibo!”</p>
<p>“How..what are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Can I come in please?”</p>
<p>“Did anyone see you?”</p>
<p>“They will, if I stand here longer. Can we get in and talk please?”</p>
<p>“Yeah ok.. come in”</p>
<p>“How have you been, Bo di?”</p>
<p>“What are you doing here Xiao Zhan?”</p>
<p>“I..I want to talk to you..I have to explain myself”</p>
<p>“You remembered now? What were you doing last two weeks?”</p>
<p>“I..it was hard tracking you down Bo…took me a while, sorry I’m late”</p>
<p>“Whatever! Does your boyfriend know you are here? Shouldn’t you be with him right now” Yibo was angry and cold</p>
<p>“I’m with my boyfriend. You are my boyfriend Yibo.. you are my everything” Xiao Zhan smiled with hopeful eyes</p>
<p>“Good joke ge..if I was, you wouldn’t have cheated on me and hurt me like that” Yibo snarled</p>
<p>“You have every reason to be angry Bo.. but trust me..I didn’t cheat on you. I never did and I never will.”</p>
<p>“What are you saying? Why are you lying to me now? Didn’t you…”</p>
<p>Xian Zhan cupped Yibo’s face between his hands before he spoke again.</p>
<p>“I never lied Bo di.. I didn’t sleep with Yi..trust me on this once please…I won’t ever hurt you again” he promised</p>
<p>“Then.. then why did you let me believe that for so long”</p>
<p>“Because you weren’t wrong…I almost did cheat on you..I lied to you.. I was talking to him and meeting Yi behind your back.. I knew that you wouldn’t like it..I knew that you would be hurt..but I did it anyways..and when you accused me of cheating.. I couldn’t deny it… because even if I didn’t sleep with him… I kissed him that night” Xiao Zhan was now avoiding Yibo’s eyes out of shame</p>
<p>Yibo pushed Xiao Zhan away instantly. Even though he was glad that Zhan didn’t cheat, learning about the lies annoyed him. Yibo suspected of this and they had argued before about this but Zhan was never honest with him.</p>
<p>“Yibo.. please..I’m sorry…it was just a kiss..one kiss and nothing more…I broke it off immediately…I told him about us.. I told him that I wanted to be with you and only you.. I told him that I would never get back together with him…I made myself clear to him that night…<br/>But I..I just didn’t know how to face you..I felt ashamed…I didn’t want to hide it from you but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth..I acted cowardly and let you walk out on me”</p>
<p>“So..what do you want now Xiao Zhan? Should I just forgive the lies and pain and the..and the kiss and forgive you? How can I ever trust you again?”</p>
<p>“Please Bo.. trust me.. I’ve realized my mistakes.. I know I was wrong and I know don’t deserve your trust or forgiveness but please let me love you truly this time.. let me be part of your life again”</p>
<p>“Do you know now what your heart wants, ge? You can’t keep playing with me anymore” Yibo growled again</p>
<p>“I know Yibo and so I want to tell you that I love you.. I really do love you.. I’m sorry I never told you that before.. I’m sorry I have been hung up on my ex for so long…I didn’t treat you right..but give me one more chance Bo.. please forgive me just this once and I will make it up to you.. I promise..I promise I will never hurt you again” Xiao Zhan finally confessed his true feelings and Yibo was ecstatic. He had waited so long for this moment, so long for his Zhan ge to tell him that he loves him. It has finally happened and all Yibo wanted was to hug him and kiss him till he dropped. But he hid his internal feelings for now.</p>
<p>“Are you sure this time? I really can’t let you string me along as a backup anymore”</p>
<p>“You are not a backup Wang Yibo! you are the love of my life.. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize this..but I know now.. and I will make this up to you for the rest of my life if you let me” Xiao Zhan pulled Yibo into a hug and kissed his forehead</p>
<p>“I love you Xiao Zhan…I really really love you and if you ever do this again, I..I..”</p>
<p>“I know! And I love you too Bo.. so..so much”</p>
<p>Yibo placed his hands behind Zhan’s neck and pulled him closer into a kiss. Their tongues quickly found each other and the kiss deepened. Zhan pushed Yibo against the nearby wall, groaning into the kiss…Yibo moaned and pulled Zhan closer by the waist, grinding their hips together. Xiao Zhan sighed and sucked at Yibo’s lower lip and then moved on to suck on his Adams apple. When Yibo felt Zhan’s hardness rubbing against him, he tried to speak between the sloppy kisses..”You know this doesn’t mean, I forgive you” he breathed</p>
<p>“Huh? What do you mean? Zhan was shocked and surprised as he pulled back</p>
<p>“You did kiss another man…think about it.. would you have forgiven me so easily?”</p>
<p>“Bo..please..I said I’m sorry..I promise…”</p>
<p>Yibo kissed him on the lips before he could finish his sentence and pulled away.</p>
<p>“You are still spending the night on the couch! And take care of your own business!” he teased looking down at Zhan’s member.</p>
<p>“What? Are you serious? Bo..c’mon please” Xiao Zhan pleaded with his puppy dog eyes but Yibo wasn’t going to be persuaded tonight.</p>
<p>“I’m sleepy..good night ge” Yibo laughed and left to lay on the bed, wrapping himself in the blanket leaving Xiao Zhan standing there in shock</p>
<p>“Can we at least cuddle?” Xiao Zhan pouted</p>
<p>“Hmm…let me see…No!” Yibo smiled to himself under the sheets. He was on cloud nine tonight..Xiao Zhan loved him back and he would never ask for anything more. Nothing’s ever going to change his love for Xiao Zhan.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>The End.</p>
<p> </p>
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